Tribute to Mom

Today I am thinking a lot about my mom.  What she was like, how she loved me, what she did to show me, etc.  As a child, I was the youngest if that matters.  My sisters always told me that I was spoiled.  I never felt like it was, I always felt like I was missing something, I just never fit in places, always shy and red-faced, never knowing what to say or how to say it, totally embarrassed all the time.  So, I spent alot of my childhood being afraid, uncomfortable, fearful of being the last one picked in a line of kids.  Thinking if I would be picked I may not be able to play correctly.... very very negative and insecure.  I always asked myself, why do I always feel so unhappy?

My mom had a job, a job in a sewing factory.  She worked very hard and never had air conditioning in the factory,  She would come home in the evening very irritable, hot and tired.  I don't remember her ever grabbing a hold of me because she was glad to see me, even talk to me.  I would either go outside or sit in this big brown chair in the livingroom and dream what it would be like to have a mom who did all of the things I mentioned above.  Again, mom was very tired, most of the time Dad wasn't home yet and usually he was late.  She would push herself to find something for supper, because she remembered she had her wash to do, that night.  Mom worked very hard all the time.  We never had too many fun times as a kid, but I knew that she loved me, how, I just knew.  A kiss on the cheek wasn't the reason, I didn't ever get one,  But I still knew that she loved me, deep down inside me I always knew that she loved me, I just did.

You see mom was the one who bought our prom dresses when we needed one, she was the one who made sure I went to school (bless her heart, I hated school), and when I purposely missed the bus mom would see that I got there and stayed there.  She took great responsibility in raising us, seeing that we had food on the table to eat, that was one of the most important things to do for you kid in those day. 

Now here I sit 61 years old and my mom is not with me any longer, she is in heaven with Jesus. and I have nothing but love for her, no regrets, no unforgiveness, no anger, I could have had all of these, but I didn't and don't.  When the day she got so sick she layed in her bed.  I loved her, really loved her, I miss her in my life today, I would give almost anything to have her right here beside me.  She would probably make us some pot pie for supper, or home-noodles, she could make these dishes better than anyone else, that was how she loved me, she would lend me some $$$ when we were short, that was how she loved me, she would always talk wonderful about my husband, that's how she loved me. She would sit and listen to me talk about myissues and she could listen for a long time before she dosed off, that is how she loved me.  When the garden began to produce, she always wanted to help me, we would sit or stand for hours getting the food prepared for the cold winter days, that is how she loved me.  This harvest season she is in heaven and I miss her terribly, but I know she loved me, mom I am glad you said yes to Jesus because someday I will be there beside you and just maybe we can sit down and talk because I made that same choice mom, I belong to Jesus too, see you later.  Alice
Alice